Liberty

Have you ever felt sad yet relieved at the same time?
It's sad you've lost something but at the same time your shoulders feel so much lighter.
Although the days ahead look uncertain and you don't know how you're going to get through it,
You feel a sense of liberty, a freedom you can't begin to even put into words.
And at the end of the day,
All it comes to is the true realization that it's was meant to end up this way sooner or later.
They try to fix things with you but you know in your heart that it'll never be the same
So it's time to spread your own wings
Soar up high, show'em your independence
Look forth and live the life you deserve.

What do you do when you've just finished a good book or a series.. and you've got nothing to keep you interested and busy at work?

In my case my mind wanders and I either end up looking for another book to keep me entertained or I look for an interesting series to watch. And sometimes I try to google peoples opinions in search of answers. Answers for so many unanswered question that I have. Why do people gossip? Why did that guy over there look at me... I wonder what goes through their minds...and on days like this when my attention needs to solely fixed to the laptop screen I vent in the only possible way. Writing.

That moment when you scroll through your phone looking for that one friend who you can be completely yourself with, you'll realize who your true friends really are.
I'm often considered a quiet person. I prefer to listen to what others say.  For the most part this is actually true. But what most people do not realize is that I like to talk too. I do talk and I like to be heard too. And although its rare, it does happen and when it does happen, it'll be with someone I trust with my entire being. Someone who truly cares about me. Someone who understands me and doesn't use me for their own selfish stuff while putting up pretenses.  If I realize that such a person isn't around me I'd be more than happy to stick my nose into a book and let it carry me away from the harsh reality of this world.

While gossip can be sometimes fun, it often gets boring and worse, dangerous and you realize you're lurking in dangerously deep waters and one single word you say might just drown you forever. As a kid I used to firmly believe that once school life was over I'd never have to deal with gossip and all sorts of female drama in life. College and University proved that true which made me hold onto my belief. Then came working life and it slowly shattered my belief and the tiny happiness of a gossip free world.

As time passed in the working environment I managed to let loose and go a little crazy with a bunch of trust worthy friends. Only of course just one person from that bunch ended up being the one I could trust with anything. The rest had gossiped about me and it slowly came back to my ears leaving me in shock, disbelief and I slowly distanced myself from my once closest buddies at work. While my trustworthy friends migrated from this country I tried to fit in again looking for someone who wouldn't back bite me. Turned out almost everyone, (females) are bound to gossip. It's like their favorite past time. While I still have nothing against gossiping, making up lies and trying to put a distance between two people is simply unacceptable for me.

Alas, my life at work now revolves around back biting females who'd kill for gossip and that leads me back to scrolling through my phone looking for someone whom I can truly talk to. Without being afraid of being judged. Without needing to be extra careful of what I say for the fear of false rumors being spread about me. Someone who I can truly be myself with. Especially us quiet folks.

And while this post has been summarized a great deal, I believe there are others who've somehow endured similar situations. So I shall end this post with the following words I gathered from a series I watched recently:

We're like books, we wait for someone to open us and find what's inside.
We're trees that branch out in solitude and bear fruits
Pride in creating, trust and happiness, those are what makes a good book...

I believe we're all like books... and only the people who truly open and read in between the lines reap the benefits of knowing that a good book is a worthy companion for a lifetime.

I’m Not Good At Dating, But I Know How To Love

So I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed when I came  across this article... After reading it I realized this is exactly how I feel too.

"I don’t know, maybe I’m strange. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m too much. All I know is I have no clue how to date. I’m the girl that falls in love. But I’m the girl that makes you unafraid to fall, too. "

I’ll be honest. I’m not good at dating. I’m not good at “let’s be casual,” or “we’re just messing around,” or “we’ll see where this goes.”

See, that’s the thing—I want to know where this is going before I even get started. I want to know the purpose, the direction, the point—because why have something meaningless? Life’s too damn short for meaningless.

No, I’m not crazy. (Only sometimes.) I don’t need to know your favorite color, your deepest fear, and if you think you’ll fall in love with me on our very first date. But I’d like to. I’d like to know the way your mind works, if it’s calm and patient, nervous and hesitant, or if you’re just as passionate and scatter-brained as me.

I want to know where this is going before I even get started.

I want to know everything about you, from the things that make you laugh to the first time you cried. I want to know if you love your mother, if you envy your older brother, if nothing you’ve experienced will ever compare to the feeling of stepping on a football field. And I want you to tell me all of that.

I want to know you, really know you. And I want to fall into you, unafraid.

See, I’m not good at dating, at small talk, at stuffy dinner dates where we skirt around the deep questions because we don’t want to scare each other off.

I don’t care if I scare you off. If I can’t know who you are, then why bother sitting across the table, sharing bites of steak and sips of wine and pretending this is going somewhere when it’s not.

I’m not good at dating, and I’m not good at casual. I’m the opposite of casual. Because ‘casual’ is synonymous for purposeless and I’ve always had a sense of direction. I want us to go somewhere, not sit stagnant and still.

Love isn’t stagnant and still.

And I’m not the ‘we’re just messing around’ type of girl. I don’t ‘mess around.’ I think that’s stupid. Why give you pieces of myself when you can’t even commit to staying? I won’t be able to make you fall in love with me, and frankly, I shouldn’t have to try. So no, I won’t ‘mess around’ because at the end of the day, we’re just wasting each other’s time. We’re just keeping one another from falling in love.

And no matter how we try to convince ourselves otherwise, that’s what we’re all searching for.

I’m not good at casual. I’m the opposite of casual. Because ‘casual’ is synonymous for purposeless and I’ve always had a sense of direction.

Here’s the thing, I don’t understand the dating world. I don’t understand the quickness, the half-heartedness, the jumping from person to person and the ‘feeling things out’. When I spend time with someone, when I start to get to know them, when I let them start to get to know me, that’s everything.

I don’t know how to shut off the stream of emotions, the excited butterflies when I hear their name, the passion I feel for wanting to discover who they are behind their surface.

I can’t help wanting to fall for them. Not nervously, not hesitantly, and sure as hell not casually. Is that so wrong?

I don’t know, maybe I’m strange. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m too much. All I know is I have no clue how to date. I’m the girl that falls in love. But I’m the girl that makes you unafraid to fall, too. 

This post was originally written by Marisa Donnelly

Keeping the blog alive

Has it already been almost a year since I last posted??
Time sure flies..

Self note: Update blog more often.

아......부럽다

나는 이재 어떡하면 좋을까 ?? 

Finally! Sneak peek

After months of waiting here's my favorite screen capture from laws of the jungle Borneo edition. Where ever he goes his sangtae follows. 

Onew, our happy virus.. 

My happy pill

The brightest and cutest smile :)